you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
