I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
