she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
