I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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