what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
