i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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