just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
