walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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