this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
