I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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