I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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