How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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