Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
