Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
