I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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