I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
