So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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