I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
