ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
