Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
