Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
