the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
