shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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