Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He shit in the fireplace
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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