your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
