I have demons in me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
