you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
