My first STD was from a foam party
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
