why didn't you poke me back
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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