If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
