i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize