Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
