Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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