Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize