Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
