Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
