just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
