p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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