i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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