i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
