new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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