well I can't set my house on fire every night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
