I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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