I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
