Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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