I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
