so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
