I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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