you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
two words...techno handjob
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
