Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
