Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
