I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
