I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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