we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
