when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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