Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
