I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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