bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
