I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
