dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
