And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize