i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
