i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
