But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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