Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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