'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
