I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
