Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
