this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your cock deserves a montage
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
