just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
