I am puke
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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